I'm really trying to get caught up on my blog and get some things all in the same place so I don't worry about losing things or forgetting things. Brian gave a talk in church shortly after Wendy's passing. He talks about some of the tender mercies surrounding her death. Here's a portion of his talk:
"Recently, my family had an experience with tender mercy in a completely
different trial.
My sister Wendy had the gift of stretching a dollar - she could turn $10 into
$100 with little effort. After going through several years of schooling and
providing the primary support for her family, Wendy was so prudent and
financially responsible. However, in the beginning of 2011, Wendy and
Denny put together a trip to Disneyland for her family. I was scheduled to
be in Salt Lake City at the end of February.
I was tasked to transport a vehicle to be turned in to SLC and take another
vehicle back to Montana. I drove down early on Sunday February 27 and
felt that I needed to visit with each of my siblings that were in town. I
visited two sibling’s families before arriving at my sister Wendy’s home. I
spent more time with them than any others. I didn't get to the next sibling’s
home until almost midnight. During the visit with Denny and Wendy, they
spoke so fondly of the trip they had taken as a family. I was surprised that
this was Wendy speaking. She said that she knew that the trip didn't make
sense, but was sooooo happy that they took it. All of the kids loved it. They
surprised the kids initially by building up to a surprise trip they were taking.
After taking them to Denny's parents, they pretended that the trip to his
parents was the surprise trip. Undaunted, the kids were happy to be there.
They then surprised them and told them they were going Disneyland.
On the day before she passed, Wendy and Denny found out that Denny had
been accepted to Medical School. The circumstances of their notification
were strange because a secretary of the school informed them of the
acceptance over the phone after Wendy and Denny had placed a call to the
school - this matter of notification was not the norm to say the least.
However, this notification was the catalyst needed for Wendy to call each of
her siblings separately to share the news.
The next evening, after holding family prayer and putting the kids to bed,
Wendy passed when an aneurysm on her aorta burst.
Now our family is not “out of the water” with this trial and we know there
will be many more days when are unable to get the “why” questions out of
our minds. However, the Lord provides tender mercies that can be easily
identified when we chose to recognize them. In this one trial:
1. I consider the arrangement to see my sister and hug her in person in
February to be a tender mercy extended to me personally.
2. I consider the Disneyland trip that didn't make sense to be a tender
mercy extended to Wendy and Denny.
3. I consider the learning of med school acceptance and Wendy's
decision to call and share her excitement with each of her siblings the
day before she was reassigned to be an incredible tender mercy
extended to us all.
4. I consider the manner in which Wendy transitioned to her next
assignment - no prolonged pain, no window of time to worry about
the well being of her children, and accompanied by one of her
children - a tender mercy extended to her.
5. Wendy had a coorctation of the aorta when she was born. Surgery.
Blessing was given and promises made. I consider the 32 years we
had her here with us to be a tender mercy extended to all those who
knew her.
I hope that we will recognize the trials that are extended to us for what they
are: opportunities to test our faith and put on more of the divine nature.
It’s what we came here for.
Let us each individually identify a trial we are going through right now. It
could be holding charity for another person, fighting a battle with a gospel
question, or trying to overcome a personal struggle of another sort. Is there
an opportunity within the trial to become more like our Father in Heaven? If
we can’t yet see that opportunity, identifying some tender mercies with
respect to the trial may be the help we need until we can identify that
opportunity.
I know if we do so, we will be able to become all that God wants us to
Brian's talk made me think of all the tender mercies that I saw surrounding Wendy's passing as well. I'm sure there are so many more that I may never know of in this life, but here are a few:
-Six days before her passing was Easter Sunday. My sister Laura kept getting the feelings that she should get everyone together for Easter dinner but she kept dismissing them, thinking that everyone would already have plans. She finally decided to act on those feelings and it turned out that everyone who was in town could make it that day. I still remember what Wendy was wearing, I thought she looked so cute. A white maternity peasant top and some green cargo capris. Her hair was really cute and curly that day. She brought Maylee's blessing dress that she was crocheting to show everybody. We "oooo"d and "aw"d over it and she also brought some cute owl hats that she had been crocheting as well. Maylee's blessing dress that Wendy crocheted ended up being the dress that we buried her in. I remember Mare brought sugar cookies and of course, I couldn't tear myself away. I remember saying how they were my biggest weakness and Denny said, "Not Wendy! Ice cream is her thing." May seem insignificant, but just little things I remember about that day.
-A few weeks before her passing was Spring Break. The kids had got a bunch of passes for the Gateway Museum and we all decided to go. It was me and the kids, Mare and her kids and Wendy and her kids and Denny met us there. We all met at Dave and Mare's and all the cousins wanted to ride together so as we were getting everyone buckled, Wendy realized that it was just she and Evan left so she came and rode with Hayes and I. That was a time I'll always remember as well, just talking to and from Salt Lake. She was worried about selling their house for med school and we talked about all the different places they had lived and the adventures they had had. When we were at the museum, I had taken Hayes to a section so he could play with the Legos and Wendy came to find me so I could see what the other kids were doing. Wendy had a green hoodie and there was a green screen on the news set so you could pretend you were doing the weather for a news broadcast. The kids were putting on her green jacket and then they were just a floating head. It was pretty funny and Wendy was really tickled by it. She always got so much joy from seeing her kids have fun.
-One last one, besides the ones that Brian already mentioned, is really special to me. On the Saturday of spring break, Sean was home and we had just got our wood floors installed. Denny and Wendy had decided to meet Denny's brother and his family at a park. Denny and Wendy lived in Saratoga Springs and his brother lived in Provo. Of all the parks from here to Provo to Saratoga Springs, they picked to meet at the park a block away from my house. The kids needed to use the restroom so Wendy called and asked if they could come down. We stood out front and talked for a while, just catching up. I don't know what we talked about but I just remember being so happy that they stopped by.
Orson F. Whitney said: "No pain that we suffer, no trial
that we experience is wasted. … All that we suffer and all
that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently,
builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our
souls, and makes us more tender and charitable. … It is
through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we
gain the education that we come here to acquire.”
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